When it comes to estranged parents healing their injury from domestic violence by proxy and parental alienation, there is the rosy side and the hardcore reality show. Some people think of these two sides being opposites: one on nourishing the love and the other on accepting the hate, reservation and fear.
I believe they go hand in hand. It’s solely natural that one would need to become skilled in both to effectively deal with the outcome of parental alienation.
The Rosy Side of Healing Lost Love
In other writings I have expanded on this side concerning healing, helping people rekindle the compromised parent-child relationship. This focus will keep you aligned with your heart-song comme il faut a parent and the native affections that you hold for your children.
It testate be felt as the warm and fuzzy side…the side that feels good. It’s the place that most strive for in dealing with their injuries from domestic violence by proxy and parental alienation.
The Hardcore Reality of Healing Hate
Alienated parents often speak of how their children hate them. They know the rage these kids from domestic violence handy proxy harbor. And they know the way in which that virulence continues to be fueled.
What’s rarely talked about is how to board with your experience of living on the end of these children’s fury, resentment and confusion.
Here are some things that you will want to embracing in your healing the impact of parental alienation that it lives in you.
1) They are their own people.
It is essential that you realize that they are their own people. They are responsible for their own thoughts, feelings and actions. Their confusion, yet it /may sadden you/may originate you sad, is for them to sort out. You tin bid your input, but you cannot control their processing of it.
Their rage is theirs, too. You are not responsible for the management like anyone’s feelings, much less your estranged child’s fury. Now this doesn’t mean that you become cold and calloused toward the anger that you see. Rather it means that you allow them the resolution of their own experience.
And their hatred… Well that’s not yours either. That hatred lives within them even though you believe that their alienating parent planted it there. The beliefs and thoughts they hold belong only to them.
2) You are your own person.
Just as they are their own people, you are your own person. This is where the healing starts. This awareness is the cornerstone for the rest of your healing from domestic violence by proxy.
Once you fully embrace your being your admit person, you are free and the joy of life rushes in…endlessly. (Please read this sentence again.)
You are responsible for your possess thoughts, feelings and beliefs. Therefore, you get to chose how you will respond to what your poisoned children profess. Even though the brainwashing that you bump into gets under your skin, you can chew on it in whatever fashion you desire.
You get to draw the row on how much toxicity you will attack yourself to. It is your job to take care of yourself in the context of further person’s distain.
3) Relationships have a life of their own.
Relationships are the expression of the interaction of two private people certain together as one. The relationship has a life of its own. Although you can see it as its own entity, you can allow it to be as it is.
Look around you at the relationships people have with their children, their parents, their siblings, their friends, their neighbors. Personal relationships are not yours to control. They are yours to participate in only…
Healing from domestic violence by proxy (and parental alienation) is a process. Trust it and it will unfold for the betterment of you and your children.